Monday, November 25, 2013

Still working at it!

It takes belief and determination to wage a three year plus battle against food addictions, specifically a sugar addiction. 

It takes consistency and hard work. 
It means not allowing habitual self loathing to rear it's ugly head when you make a poor choice or have a day of poor choices, or a week of poor choices.
Mish talks about 'owning' decisions and being prepared to accept the consequences of eating more or not training as hard as you could.
This time around it hasn't been as much about weight loss as being about getting a life I love. Don't get me wrong there were and still are wonderful things in my life - a big loving family, a doting husband and amazing friends. But behind it all was a me who didn't truly believe in myself and a me who figured this was just the way life would be. I'd always be fat - the big girl - and my weight may or may not stop us from having babies.
Ultimately it was my unshakable desire to have babies that started me, not in a diet because a diet has an end date, but through a complete change of lifestyle. 
I still make less than ideal food choices from time to time - I'm human. And I'm starting to find a balance between having that one thing and not just going crazy and binging on whatever I can get my hands on. 
It's important for me to get this down - I am worth the effort. My friends will still be my friends when I'm not just the 'big' girl of the group - I'm dealing with my fear that in losing weight I'll also lose my place with some of my dearest friends. I'm beginning to understand that if they are truly my friends, I'll always have a place in their lives... It's worth it for a long and happy life. 
I just sometimes need to remind myself.

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