I went to Hervey Bay to meet Mish all the while feeling like I didn't deserve to be there. I put on weight last round. I know why and I totally own it. I know if I hadn't been signed up things would be worse right now but I have been feeling like I've let myself down.
Having a miscarriage was devastating. I felt like my heart had been ripped out and stomped on. But no one else could see the difference in me. My darling husband knew and some close friends but outwardly I didn't look any different and there was no one to bury, no grave to visit yet I felt that there should have been.
I've always used food to cope with feelings and I'm proud (sort of) to say that I've only put on 3kgs. And it's time to refocus, see the accomplishments of the whole journey and start round 4 as if it were my first round.
While working through the preseason tasks I've mechanically done a 6 times before I decided it was time to announce my commitment on my main Facebook page - I was terrified. I confided in my friend and Round 3 12WBT Hero Kate Beck, who suggested doing a video. So I did, and I posted it to my facebook page!
I was overwhelmed and emotional reading all the amazing comments from my friends and family.
'OMG Em.....I am sitting here with tears running down my face. I am so proud of how far you have come. I have always lived a fairly active lifestyle and I couldn't even last one round of the 12 WBT. Thank you so much for sharing that video with us. You are an inspiration to us all....xx. Oh and by the way I never realised how much you looked like your mum until I watched that video.' - Tania
'It was amazing beautiful Job hunny very inspiring..what a difference dedication makes.' - Harriet
'Loved it. thanks for sharing' - Gill
'Go for it Em! YOU can do ANYTHING and EVERYTHING.' - Amanda
'Yep. Cried too. Congratulations, Em. Such determination and bravery. You are a champion. One thing though... be kind to your old self. After all, it was she who was brave enough to take the first steps of this journey!! xxxx' - Caroline
'Emily, I have just finished watching your video. I have tears in my eyes. You're an inspiration. Thank you.' - Lisa
'You are amazing! I can't view it either. ..
Talk soon xx
Proud! !' - Anita
Talk soon xx
Proud! !' - Anita
'Very inspiring Emily, can't wait to see the rest of the story xx' - Sarah
'Love you Em xxx' - Hayley
'Go you good thing! You should be so proud of yourself. Well done xoxo' - Rosie
'so proud !!!' - Sonia R.
'You are amazing! Go girl
'Em you are amazing, truly inspirational....you look absolutely stunning, I've got tears of joy for you!' - Karen B.
'Awesome Emily. That was amazing. Well done. Well done. Well done. '- Debra
'I am soooo proud of u my gorgeous friend !!! Xx' - Brooke
'Omg Emily Turkalj I have shed some happy tears watching that! What an amazing achievement
'You have always been beautiful, Em. You are awesome and inspirational. xx' - Jane
'Em. Watched it through. You have always been beautiful. I remember you reading maccas signs at 3 or 4 years old (or was it 2. Smart kid) What an amazing journey! Stay exited. Love life (the journey). You are a credit to you! xo' - David
'I have tears! Such determination. You're amazing em.' - Elle
'Well done Em! A beautiful girl inside and out!!! I love the photos of you with Ele too x' - Sonia A.
'It's like watching a dream only I know it's real!!! you really are amazing Emily
'Em you have worked magic - you have done so well and continue to do so. I am so proud of you and just love the video. Congratulations on all of your hard work xoxo' - Kate
'Only if you stand by me. I need to also lose 10 kilos. Let's do it together..' - Tanya
'Wow Em that video is amazing! You have come so far! Your strength an determination are always such an inspiration to me! Thank you for being you xoxo' - Natalie
This little project - putting together a video of my journey - helped me see that despite the gain I've really lost so much and gained an amazing life...I mean I had an awesome life with my darling husband..but now I'm more active and healthier.
So the upshot of all this is that I'm recommitting, to a new round with a new focus!!! Lets see what the next 12 weeks bring!!