Tuesday, February 24, 2015

12WBT 2015 February Round week 2 & 3

In an effort to be more reliable and post more frequently, today's post will update the last two weeks. My blogging goal: to post once per week from this week onwards!! Lets see how I go. 

So, how did weeks 2 and 3 go? 

Pretty well I think. See, historically my 12wbt rounds fall into one of two categories - very successful (10+kgs lost) or unsuccessful (characterised by gains). There has been no happy medium. I think that this time, I set myself up well. I did my preseason tasks, I signed up early to give myself time to be ready to 'give things up' and focus on my goals again, I set up a sticker chart (cause who doesn't love stickers), got my reward jar back out and gathered all the items I would need for Mich Workouts at home.

My sticker chart - week 1

My reward jar

As soon as the menu plans were released, I logged on and customised my week's food to ensure I could minimise my costs; printed both an overview and the recipes I didn't already have; and printed out the exercise plan for the week. I laminate all the recipes and keep them in a lever arch folder. I also used the shopping list, adding extras that we needed for hubbie at work or home items.

The other thing that I did was get more active on social media. I started posting regularly again in several facebook groups I belong to, full of supportive women. I was surprised how many were in the same or similar position to me - having put on weight - some lots, some a little, but all after losing focus and 'giving up'. I really like the quote below. It was posted on one of those pages and it really spoke to me. The power of admitting that something is wrong, or needs to change. If you can't admit you've been making poor choices or that you need help, how can you possibly make a change. 

I posted my previous post in one of the bigger support groups 12wbt 30+ at the urging of my friend Kate, and opening myself up like that to a group of strangers and friends was a big part of confronting where I've been for the past 12 months....down in that chasm. I'm happy to say, I'm well on the road to climbing out. I no longer feel like I'm rock climbing the sides of that chasm without a rope or harness, with just my hands and feet, with the fear of falling in the forefront of my mind. I now feel like I'm harnessed up, rope attached leading up to the edge, with a group of amazing friends who take turns holding my rope, and more recently a rope ladder has been thrown down so that I'm no longer trying to find hand and footholds. 

Back in week 2 I had the advantage of that harness and rope (online friends) but that ladder hadn't come down yet. I was still finding my confidence in myself and my ability to be consistent. I lost a good amount of weight - down 1.7kgs, 2.6kgs in total. I also decided to keep taking photos of my weigh in to help with accountability.
Week 2 weigh in
Week 2 results!

 I also stepped out of my comfort zone and started posting more on Instagram. I started with calorie burns and the results for each week's weigh in. 

A very yummy meal!!

At the end of week 2, we went camping at Forster for the first time, with our dear friends the Nelson family. I took the gorgeous bangle the lovely Debbie bought me last year to help remind me of my goals and keep me on track. Packed into the car was my gym bag, towels, weights and my mat. There was no way I was missing my SSS on the Saturday. 
My inspiration

It was an emotionally tough weekend for our friends. The friend who had arranged it has been their dear friend for a long time. His wife who was also their close friend, passed away years earlier and this was the first occasion when they had spent serious time with their friend and his new (8 or 9 years) wife. She had brought along her sister which was why our friends took us with them. It was seriously difficult for them for a variety of reasons but that isn't the story I'm here to tell. 

Despite the temptation to drink wine and eat constantly, I didn't. I drank lots of water, got up early and did my SSS, ate my planned breakfasts and had a great time. It's hard when your friends are having a hard time, but it was still a nice weekend. We used to camp a lot in Queensland and it amazed me when the camp people tagged me on entry!!
Wrist tags to prove we were paying campers!

Workout setup at Smugglers Cove Holiday Village!

 Week 3 saw me participating in Cathy Sheargold and Bella Fountain's #COA (crack of ass) challenge. I had to get up and be exercising before 6am. Now in order for me to get up and exercise before work I have to be up at 4am, so none of my collages had beautiful sunrises like the other ladies as it was pitch black outside...but I did it...for a whole 6 days. It felt so much better exercising before work rather than doing it when I got home. So I plan to continue in Week 4 if I can manage it!
Day 1
Sunrise as I left for work!
Day 2
Day 3
Day 4
Day 5 - devo at the low burn...
Day 6 - SSS made up for it with a 1000 cal burn

There were prizes to win, but I didn't get chosen - but I figure I'm a winner anyway for completing the whole week. Plus I earned a bunch load of stickers as you can see below, and stickers = $$$!!!

19 stickers + bonus in week 2 = $21
26 stickers + 3 bonuses in week 3 = $32

So the way the stickers work is when I meet my daily goal in any area, I get a sticker. I'm not so good at getting to bed early so I get the minimum 7 hours sleep, and getting up at 4am makes that harder too. Then if I get 7/7 in a goal area, I get a bonus sticker. Each normal sticker is worth $1 and each bonus sticker is worth $2. It all goes in my reward jar, ready for buying clothes etc further down the track! 

Reflecting on the last two weeks I think my success has been dependent on my planning. Planning meals and doing my shopping, printing the recipes, laminating them and having them ready in my folder. Having my gear ready the night before so I just roll out of bed, have a pit stop, get dressed and get going. It's certainly been a long while since I've seen my polar band drying in the shower every day.

Polar strap hanging out in the bathroom ready to go!
Clothes and shoes laid out :)

In week three I lost 1.1kgs, 3.7kgs in total,  which after our weekend away, I was thrilled with. My major goal is to reach 5kgs lost this round within the next two weeks, and to maintain consistency until week 12 - a feat I have not managed on one single occasion of doing 12wbt! So this will be a first!!

Working out in my kitchen at 4:30am!

Friday, February 6, 2015

Starting again....AGAIN!!!

This post is dedicated to Kate for telling it like it is and helping get me on track again, without really knowing it. Thank you for your friendship, your inspirational strength and determination.

In her most recent post, Kate talks about the many times we fall down (metaphorically not physically) and that it's not important how many times we fall down, because in a journey like this - losing weight - the falls are almost inevitable. It's how we got here in the first place. So the fall isn't important, it's getting back up that counts. 

This time though, my fall was more like a series of slips that took me over the edge of a gigantic chasm, one that I haven't been able to climb out of for 8 or 9 months. While stuck in the bottom of that chasm without a ladder or a rope that I felt could support me or the confidence to even try, my weight crept up, and up and up.

At some point in January (I can't remember the date) I weighed myself (which I've been continuing to do and torturing myself with every gain) I reached the high 120's and I decided I couldn't get over 130kgs. I just wouldn't allow it. This had gone on long enough. I told Marko I wanted to do the next round of 12WBT and I signed up, that night. 

I also found these two quotes which gave me courage to believe that I could be successful again.

I love both of these quotes equally because they help me see that failure is necessary for success. I will fall. It might be regularly or occasionally. It might be a stumble or I might fall into a chasm. But the important this is that I get back up and try again.....to succeed. 

So this is me, getting back up and climbing out of the chasm. In climbing out, I had to come to terms with the results of the last year - of letting food smother my emotions of grief. After being my lovely friend Meagan's bridesmaid in January 2014, I continued to struggle to deal with the miscarriage I had the previous August. Honestly though, I dug my head in the sand, put food in my mouth and said I was ok. I wasn't. Then in August 2014 we lost Poppy, my Mum's dad, then only 5 weeks later we suddenly lost Nanna, my Mum's mum. In the space of 5 weeks both my Mum's parents died. It was devastating. I think the bit that still makes that ache in my heart worse, is that when we were up in Biloela for Poppy's funeral, Nanna said to me that she was just waiting to hear the news that we were pregnant. I have shed buckets of tears over the fact that Nanna and Poppy will never meet our future children, but I hold hope that our little angel baby is with Nanna and Poppy. 

After all of this emotion, stuffing myself with food down in my chasm to not feel it too much, I decided it was time to get my shit together. I put these photos together to show my journey so far...from 128.4kgs - down to 102kgs (I did get to 99 at one stage though) and back up to 128.0kgs. Because although I don't like it, I can't change it. I also know I CAN do it!

2nd Feb 2012 - 128.4kgs     /     Jan 2014 - 102kgs    /     2nd Feb 2015 - 128.0kgs

And this photo shows that although I feel like I'm right back where I began, I'm not. 128.4kgs was my weight when I got involved in 12wbt. But I'd worked on my own for a year before that to lose 11kgs, down from my all time biggest - 139.9kgs. This photo makes me feel great, because although I have put on a LOT...I'm not back there. And I won't get back there because I'm on my way down again.

Dec 2010 139.9kgs - 2 Feb 2015 128kgs 

 After signing up for the round starting on the 2nd of February, I got to work on the preseason tasks. As soon as I was able, I got in and organised my week 1 meals and printed off my ingredients and the recipes I didn't already have. 

I shopped and did a big cookup of cupcake quiches, banana bread, panang chicken and bagged up grated carrot and lettuce for my salmon wraps for lunches at work.

Looking back at week 1, I am thrilled with the preparation I put in and how it helped me with my week. Having my lunches conveniently bagged meant I only had to grab the tin of tuna, a piece of banana bread and spoon my yoghurt into a container before heading out the door. Monday was the only day I managed to exercise in the morning, including doing my fitness test, due to a huge assignment for uni that was due Wednesday night and the very late nights work I did leading up to its submission. 

Historically if I miss a morning workout, that's the end of that for the day because I'm so wrecked when I get home from work. But this week I was on a mission. Tuesday, Wednesday and Friday evenings I did my workouts. I did miss Thursday because I didn't get up early after submitting my assignment and was in Newcastle picking up our new car and wasn't home until 9:30pm. So instead I did Thursdays workout Friday arvo, and held Friday's over for Sunday. 
                                    Monday - workout and fitness test                                Tuesday - workout

 Friday - workout

This morning I got out to do my SSS a bit later than I intended but at least I did it. The workout was hard, really hard, for someone who hasn't regularly exercised in about 8 months. There were moments when I thought my muscles weren't going to continue to hold me up, but they did and at the end of the workout I'd only burned 600 calories (the aim for a Saturday session is 1000). So the newly motivated and determined me said to myself - lets keep going - so I did 4km of intervals (200m jogging, 200m walking) until I hit 1000 calories burned. 

I am really proud of myself and my efforts this week. I've got a new sticker chart up and each sticker earns me $1 and I'm copying Kate's idea to reward any 7 out of 7 weeks with an additional sticker worth $2 - all proceeds to go to clothes! On day 6 I'm in line for 6 stickers for calories, exercise (Thursday going down as a scheduled rest day which also earns a sticker) and water consumption with only 2 for sleep (minimum 7 hours) due to my many late nights over the assignment. 
As I mentioned earlier I weighed for my start weight on Sunday at 128.0kgs, then for the Wednesday weigh in (Wake,Wee,Weigh) I came in at 127.1kgs - a 0.9kg loss in two days which I'm very happy with. It's a great start!

Very happy with my loss!

Exhausted and wishing for the end......

SSS on my own summary!

So far working out on my own is really hard but I'm leaning on my online support groups and believing in myself that I can do it. Bring on Week 2. 

Kate - I hope you enjoyed this post. Now that one from 8 months won't pop up in Blogger every time you sign in!