Monday, November 25, 2013

Still working at it!

It takes belief and determination to wage a three year plus battle against food addictions, specifically a sugar addiction. 

It takes consistency and hard work. 
It means not allowing habitual self loathing to rear it's ugly head when you make a poor choice or have a day of poor choices, or a week of poor choices.
Mish talks about 'owning' decisions and being prepared to accept the consequences of eating more or not training as hard as you could.
This time around it hasn't been as much about weight loss as being about getting a life I love. Don't get me wrong there were and still are wonderful things in my life - a big loving family, a doting husband and amazing friends. But behind it all was a me who didn't truly believe in myself and a me who figured this was just the way life would be. I'd always be fat - the big girl - and my weight may or may not stop us from having babies.
Ultimately it was my unshakable desire to have babies that started me, not in a diet because a diet has an end date, but through a complete change of lifestyle. 
I still make less than ideal food choices from time to time - I'm human. And I'm starting to find a balance between having that one thing and not just going crazy and binging on whatever I can get my hands on. 
It's important for me to get this down - I am worth the effort. My friends will still be my friends when I'm not just the 'big' girl of the group - I'm dealing with my fear that in losing weight I'll also lose my place with some of my dearest friends. I'm beginning to understand that if they are truly my friends, I'll always have a place in their lives... It's worth it for a long and happy life. 
I just sometimes need to remind myself.

Friday, November 15, 2013

Goals and rewards - week 1

It's well past time I set my goals for this round. I very cheekily skipped that preseason task because I wasn't ready to commit and knew anything I put in there I wouldn't be serious about. And I need to be serious about these goals...or I won't work for them. 
I've decided to have two sets of goals. Firstly will be the HABIT goals on my new chart (which I've started putting stickers on) and more specific ACHIEVEMENT goals. Make sense? Clear as mud? Below is my list of Habit Goals which appear on my reward chart.  
Habit Goals:
1.1200cals per day!
2. 2L water per day MINIMUM.
3. 1 coffee or less per day.
4. Exercise/train
6. Watch the mindset videos!
7. Go to bed before 10 - I was going to make it 9:30 but it's hard with daylight savings and my qlder friends.
With the exception of the mindset video - each goal can earn me up to 7 stickers per week - one for each day I meet that goal.

I have created a reward jar. For every sticker I'm going to put $1 in the jar. I can earn up to $43 per week which is up to $516 for the round - to spend on clothes. I'm not sure if this hold that much dosh...I'm not sure if I'll actually put the money in there or just tokens to represent the money. Will think more on it!!! Sunday is the night all the money/tokens go in!


cute huh!! I love it!
So down to the nitty gritty of this round.
My Round 4 - 2013 ACHIEVEMENT Goals are:

1. My weight loss goal is to lose 10kgs and crack into the 90's.
I want to be under 100kgs by Christmas and my 35th birthday. I know this is achievable but I think I'm scared of trying hard and not getting there - of failing. The other day this came up in my feed on facebook from Michelle Bridges 12 WBT:

"Guys, I want you to remember: don't compare your journey to someone else's. It's yours alone - so OWN IT! Xx"

I promptly shared it with the 30+ crew and my girls on our Wonder Women page. I really REALLY struggle with this and it drives me NUTS. I look at some of the amazing women I know of and stalk follow on facebook and wonder why I couldn't be as hardcore as them and be at my goal weight now. How could I let the emotions of the past few months cause me to gain during a round of this amazing program and really waste my money. The truth of the matter is I am me. I have serious food problems and what I know to be true about myself has always been "I'm the fat/big girl of the group" - that's always been my role. I recently re-read my Lightbulb Moment post and I know this is something I need to work on daily - hence the mindset video goal in the habits goals. I know food is my go-to crutch. So I need to put some plans in place to help deal with those crappy days when they happen - my bright pink sticker chart is a start - it makes me smile!!! Which leads me to goal number 2:

2. Do it like it's my first!
This round I'm aiming to compare as little as possible - technically this isn't an achievement but it will be for me. I've compared myself to others all my life. I'm trying to see everything as if its week 1 of my first round - so finally doing my fitness test, I didn't groan and cry over the fact that 6 months ago I could cream my current 1km trial doesn't matter I'm here now and I'm Doing it like it's my first!

3. Beat my personal bests!
This goal is SIMPLE! I want to beat my starting fitness test in week 4, then beat week 4 stats in week 8 and so on. There will be an associated chart and reward - undecided on the reward.

4. Hit the Fit Pit!
Jo in Denman runs a bootcamp 2 afternoons per week - Jo's Fit Pit. Monday arvo at 5pm and Thursday arvo at 5:30. I will attend as many as possible this round - 1 sticker per attendance = more money in my jar ;)

5. Run!
This is one of my very favourite P!NK songs right now. And yes it is now a goal. I am going to attempt do the Michelle Bridges Learn to Run program. I've officially changed over to that program and it's a little scary. To start with the aim is just to follow her program. The very amazing Kate found (here) said in her running interview (here) to be successful at exercise you have to do something that 'Takes your breath away". Well of all the moments in the gym that took my breath away it was when I cracked 5, 10,15, 20 and 25 mins of being able to run on the treadmill but I'm going to start again outside.

6. Operation Bridesmaid!
I'm going to be a bridesmaid for my dear friend Meagan on the 4th of January. When I tried on and ordered my dress I was at my lowest - when I first cracked into the 90s at 98.9kgs. I need to get back that low at least for the wedding! Totally doable!!!

7. Choose your own adventure - fun run!
At some point during my 3 weeks at Stanthorpe (mum and dad's farm) I will run from the house to the big dam up the back. NO idea how far that is...but my goal is to do it!

8. Operation Little White Dress!
Wear my white dress with the black embroidered flowers out for our Wedding Anniversary Dinner in Stanthorpe 30-12-13.

9.Run 5kms by 1st of February 2014!
So I want to be able to run 5kms without stopping. Goal 4 will hopefully lead to goal 5 if I'm committed and consistent!

10. Register for a fun run.
I want to do the Colour Run in Newcastle in 2014 and the Neon Run in Sydney in 2014 but the dates haven't been released yet. So I'll settle for registering for the events.

11. The Amazing Race - 12WBT style!
My friends in Hervey Bay did this earlier in the year and I'm going to set up my course and one for the Brissie mates who did the Biggest Loser style weighted-backpack-carry-up-a-mountain-challenge with me last round. Not sure how it will look or what the challenges will be or when we'll do it...but it's ON!!!

12. Operation Blue dress!
Debbie wore my GORGEOUS blue dress to finale and having seen it on her - my major goal is to get into it myself! This round or the next but it a BIG goal!!!

So, there you have it! 12 goals for 12 weeks.  Round 4 2013 Achievement and Habit goals...I see another reward chart in my future!!

Thursday, November 14, 2013

A special gift!

This is for the lovely Myriddian Shrinks! Email me your address at because this  ready for you!


Wednesday, November 13, 2013


Habits are funny things. We don't even really notice doing them, I guess that's how we know it is a habit. Like throwing the chocolate bar onto the cash register at Woolies. I do it, then consciously ask myself 'Do I really want that? Or do I want to achieve my goals more?' then I put it back. Some habits are easier to break than others. Obviously, food habits are the bane of my existence and the ones I really struggle to change. Funny that...I've been doing it one way for 31 years and 3 years on I expect to have made lasting changes - HA!!! That's why this is a LIFETIME change for me...and I may have to consciously focus on it every day for the rest of my life, but you know's totally worth it.

On the topic of habits and them having crept back in while going through my recent turmoil (see previous posts) yesterday while checking facebook I saw the following status update on the Michelle Bridges 12 Week Body Transformation page:

'If I came and lived with you for a week, what would be different about your habits? NOW GO MAKE THAT CHANGE!!! Xx'
Well, talk about a turning point. I stopped me in my tracks...well I was sitting at the time...but it metaphorically stopped me in my tracks.

I sat there in the work car (as you do) and thought to myself 'If Mish was really in my house she would kick my butt'. You know that look she gets on her face on 'The Biggest Loser' when someone is kidding themselves and she is disappointed or wants more out of them...that's the face I can see in my mind! The more  I thought about it the more I realised I've been fooling myself. It's the little things. Telling myself 'its ok, I'll walk this afternoon so I can sleep for another hour' but then I don't walk. Well it is time to stop and make the changes.

Here's the list!! These are the changes I'm making from right now!!

1. No more diet softdrink (I'm saying goodbye to my last one as I type).
2. Reduce coffee consumption to 1 and only 1 per day!
3. Stick to the 1200 calories - if not the food plan...adapt where necessary but stick to the 1200!
4. Blog my thoughts and feelings instead of eating them. Even if I've covered it before!
5. Exercise - simple! Go to Jo's Fit Pit with Debbie on Mondays and Thursdays plus other workouts.
6. Plan ahead and do some cookups (did my first one this arvo...broccoli soup in the freezer and four serves of the eggplant cous cous salad I love in the fridge).
7. Increase water consumption.
8. Watch the mindset videos!!
9. Put the non 12WBT foods into containers so Marko can still eat them but I can't see and want them.
10. Get a visual chart up showing my goals.

I'm sure I'll think of more but this is a damn good start. Now I just have to stick to it and that cranky face of Mish's that I'm seeing in my head will turn into a proud happy smile!! So now I'm off to make my reward chart!! I'm envisioning another list of rewards to help get me through!!

So, an hour or so later, here's my reward chart.

It will go like this, every day I meet that goal I get a sticker (if I can find small ones) or a tick. At the end of the week I'll put $1 for every sticker or tick into my clothes fund jar. At the end of the round I'll go spend it!!! Making up a cool jar is tomorrow nights job!

Tuesday, November 12, 2013

Round 4 2013 - My 7th Round

I have been feeling like a fraud.

I went to Hervey Bay to meet Mish all the while feeling like I didn't deserve to be there. I put on weight last round. I know why and I totally own it. I know if I hadn't been signed up things would be worse right now but I have been feeling like I've let myself down.

Having a miscarriage was devastating. I felt like my heart had been ripped out and stomped on. But no one else could see the difference in me. My darling husband knew and some close friends but outwardly I didn't look any different and there was no one to bury, no grave to visit yet I felt that there should have been.

I've always used food to cope with feelings and I'm proud (sort of) to say that I've only put on 3kgs. And it's time to refocus, see the accomplishments of the whole journey and start round 4 as if it were my first round.

While working through the preseason tasks I've mechanically done a 6 times before I decided it was time to announce my commitment on my main Facebook page - I was terrified. I confided in my friend and Round 3 12WBT Hero Kate Beck, who suggested doing a video. So I did, and I posted it to my facebook page!

I was overwhelmed and emotional reading all the amazing comments from my friends and family.

'OMG Em.....I am sitting here with tears running down my face. I am so proud of how far you have come. I have always lived a fairly active lifestyle and I couldn't even last one round of the 12 WBT. Thank you so much for sharing that video with us. You are an inspiration to us all....xx. Oh and by the way I never realised how much you looked like your mum until I watched that video.' - Tania

'It was amazing beautiful Job hunny very inspiring..what a difference dedication makes.' - Harriet
'Loved it. thanks for sharing' - Gill


'Go for it Em! YOU can do ANYTHING and EVERYTHING.' - Amanda

'Yep. Cried too. Congratulations, Em. Such determination and bravery. You are a champion. One thing though... be kind to your old self. After all, it was she who was brave enough to take the first steps of this journey!! xxxx' - Caroline

'Emily, I have just finished watching your video. I have tears in my eyes. You're an inspiration. Thank you.' - Lisa

'Amazing, Emmy

'You are amazing! I can't view it either. ..
Talk soon xx
Proud! !' - Anita

'Very inspiring Emily, can't wait to see the rest of the story xx' - Sarah

'Love you Em xxx' - Hayley

'Go you good thing! You should be so proud of yourself. Well done xoxo' - Rosie

'so proud !!!' - Sonia R.

'You are amazing! Go girl

'Em you are amazing, truly look absolutely stunning, I've got tears of joy for you!' - Karen B.

'Awesome Emily. That was amazing. Well done. Well done. Well done. '- Debra

'I am soooo proud of u my gorgeous friend !!! Xx' - Brooke

'Omg Emily Turkalj I have shed some happy tears watching that! What an amazing achievement

'You have always been beautiful, Em. You are awesome and inspirational. xx' - Jane

'Em. Watched it through. You have always been beautiful. I remember you reading maccas signs at 3 or 4 years old (or was it 2. Smart kid) What an amazing journey! Stay exited. Love life (the journey). You are a credit to you! xo' - David

'I have tears! Such determination. You're amazing em.' - Elle

'Well done Em! A beautiful girl inside and out!!! I love the photos of you with Ele too x' - Sonia A.

'It's like watching a dream only I know it's real!!! you really are amazing Emily

'Em you have worked magic - you have done so well and continue to do so. I am so proud of you and just love the video. Congratulations on all of your hard work xoxo' - Kate
'Only if you stand by me. I need to also lose 10 kilos. Let's do it together..' - Tanya
'Wow Em that video is amazing! You have come so far! Your strength an determination are always such an inspiration to me! Thank you for being you xoxo' - Natalie
This little project - putting together a video of my journey - helped me see that despite the gain I've really lost so much and gained an amazing life...I mean I had an awesome life with my darling husband..but now I'm more active and healthier.
So the upshot of all this is that I'm recommitting, to a new round with a new focus!!! Lets see what the next 12 weeks bring!!


Friday, November 8, 2013

The BEST Weekend Ever - Part Two

So part 2 of our incredible weekend was the beautiful marriage of Tania Wilson to Scott Field. I felt so priviledged to be part of the celebration - even though I never got an official invitation in the mail...shhhh no-one knew..
Our day started much like the previous one...breakfast at Enzo's overlooking the beach - amazing. We decided that seeing as we had a pool at the resort that we needed to go swimming, and I didn't have togs so off we trotted in search of togs. I found this lovely pair at Millers and we hit the pool.
 new halter style togs
Anita, Lizzie and Me in the pool - Tracey behind the camera.
Anita and I went back early to start beautifying ourselves. We had both decided to do our own hair and left more time than the previous afternoon to get ready.

 Before make up and hair...
 My awesome $3 dress from the local Anglican Bizarre!
 Rollers and curling irons!!
 This chick is AWESOME!!
 Me and Lizzie

The wedding was just beautiful!!


 And the reception was fantastic!!

Thanks to my amazing roomies Anita, Lizzie and Tracey for an unforgettable weekend!!

Monday, November 4, 2013

The BEST Weekend EVER!!!! (part 1)

Yes when I say this was the BEST weekend EVER, I do mean it...with the exception of the weekend I got married of course, but that goes without saying. So here is how it all unfolded.
I was supremely lucky to get a ticket to a VERY special cocktail party in Hervey Bay Queensland. One of the best parts of the weekend was seeing my Roma girls...
I got a very early start to get to Newcastle Airport in time for my 8am flight. The very beautiful and funny Anita picked me up at Brisbane Airport and we drove the four hours to Hervey Bay. This was our first time meeting in real life!!! We checked into our fabulous cabin - home for night 1 and chilled before going for ice-cream.

Me and Anita at Brisbane Airport!

Anita and I in our cabin..

The view while we ate our icecream

Our super delicious ice-cream!
We then went to a local hairdressers to get my eyebrows deforested, and Anita had her eyebrows and lashes tinted...and then Leander and Lizzy arrived!!! These girls were part of my awesome support team in Roma. They were instrumental in my success with 12WBT while living in Roma without my hubbie.

Me and Lizzy!

Me and Leander

By this stage I was thoroughly exhausted but we all went out for dinner, these two were particularly!

Then we drove to the RSL where the very famous surprise guest was due for a luncheon on Friday and we pretended to be sleeping out waiting for her, outside....

and on the stairs inside.....

It was sooo much fun! The three of us then jumped back in Anita's car and I grabbed this hilarious photo out of the sunroof...the crazy things we do when we are with our friends!!

Friday morning arrived and we decided to go shopping...actually this might have been Thursday, I forget. In any case these two took a million photos in funny hats and we all played with the lovely fascinators in Target!

Anita and Lizzy

Their new road trip hats!

Just gorgeous isn't she!

 Pink fascinators.....
 All in the same style fascinators but different colours...
 In bright coloured fascinators...
In crazy flashing eyewear that nearly sent us into fits....of laughter!!!

Ok this is definitely Friday morning - after Anita spray-tanned me and Lizzy decided to pick the toilet paper off my feet....see I had to stand on it so the soles of my feet didn't end up orange...but they did anyhow...waste of time...

Enzo's on the beach for breakfast on Friday morning (we went back there on Saturday morning too)!! Just pure bliss!
 With my girls enjoying the view and our breakfast!
 My delicious coffee
Comparing our spray tans with Lizzy's lilly white skin!

 Fun at Leander and Tania's room
 Me, Lizzie, Anita, Leander
After helping Leander wrap presents for Tania and Scott's wedding on Saturday, we headed to our new accommodation and met Tracy for the first time. We quickly got settled and started showering, primping and getting glamorous for the cocktail party!
 Anita, Tracy, Lizzie and Me!
 Me and Lizzie at the Cocktail party
 Me and Leander at the Cocktail Party
And then finally the moment we had travelled so far for arrived. Our guest appeared - MICHELLE BRIDGES - in the flesh in front of me... Mish was interviewed by some chickie and we thoroughly enjoyed the answers she gave, particularly the story about the agent who refused to sign her because she was a woman and how she decided then that she would succeed and that he'd regret turning her down. She was funny and well spoken and a delight to listen too. I was so excited I could barely stand still!!!

After her interview Mish had a short break and then we had the opportunity to meet her for REAL and talk to her. We were only supposed to get about 3 mins but Mish talked to some people for longer allowing them to chat properly which was lovely, but it did mean that a couple of gorgeous women missed out...didn't know that at the time...sad for them, but I think perhaps they'd met her at the luncheon.


I really didn't think it would overwhelm me the way it did, to be standing in front of the woman who has given me the tools to change my life, who rants at me in my head when I want to quit a hard workout.

I had my camera in one hand and my phone in the other......


As you can see from the photo below I was nearly in tears. Thank goodness the amazing Leander had it together and quickly snapped this one. Its my favourite photo - although it's blurry - because it captures that emotion so beautifully.


I had the chance to thank Michelle for giving me the tools to change my life through the 12WBT program. I showed her this picture of what I was like in 2011 and she told me "You are there". I laughed and said "I'm not there yet, I have more to lose and I know I can do it with your program". She was warm, genuine and just lovely. AND she signed my phone!!!
Me with Becc's Charlie in 2011

My phone!