Blogging is amazing really. It's what I always thought writing a journal would be like but with the added bonus that when people read it you don't have to watch their faces...not that I ever let anyone read my journals. I dread to think what I filled the pages of my teenage journal with...in any case, writing is therapeutic. It is like talking an issue out in the form of a monologue, with no-one to stop you or interrupt your train of thought.
So with this in mind, I am tackling the issue of having to start again...again with some concrete plans (again). We all stumble and fall at times, it is persistence that will get me there in the end. Stubbornness and determination that will finally see me reaching my goal - probably after I fall on my face again a few times...but I plan not to fall.
I'm following Kate Beck's 5 steps to help you lose weight
I realised when I re-read this post that I've hitting some and missing others in this list, which is perhaps the reason I have been going round in circles like a duck paddling with only one leg. Below the surface I'm paddling as fast as I possibly can but because my other leg is 'tied up' I'm going round in circles. Time to free that leg. Honestly, I think there is a few things holding me back and there may not be 'easy' solutions but I figure I can 'fake it till I make it' as the saying goes.
I'm good with steps 2, 3, 4 and usually 5 but 5 kinda hinges on 1. And 1 is where I fall short. I want it, believe me I do, but I think I've been holding back from letting myself want it fiercely and with passion, in case I mess it up, in case I fail. Why would I believe that I can truly do this when 35 years of history tells me I can't and that I'll fail? And how can I fail if I don't really believe I can do it? It makes it a self fullfilling prophesy I guess and links back to previous posts about how what we 'know to be true' about ourselves determines our actions. I knew way back when I had my light bulb moment that change would be hard and the work that would need to go into it mentally would be hard. And that before the trauma of August last year. So I need to work on Step 1 - want it more than anything else.
The bracelet Debbie gave me last weekend has lived on my wrist except for when I'm in the shower or sleeping. It's a wonderful reminder to stay on track. And I'm starting to get that trickle of self belief again - IF YOU CAN DREAM IT....you can achieve it! My new mantra.
Step 1
WANT IT MORE THAN ANYTHING ELSE:
I'll come back to this one...
Step 2
START (again):
So I bit the bullet and started again, yesterday. I made no announcement because I half expected to not do it. I did well with food - half the battle - but didn't exercise. Today I had a huge work day and went to bed knowing I needed every second to get ready for my day and getting up at 3:50am to run really wasn't going to happen, so exercise starts again tomorrow. Kate, I'll put a photo on instagram to prove I did!! Help keep me accountable.
Step 3
GET ORGANISED:
I spent a lot of time getting organised over the weekend. I made a big batch of Penang Chicken, a batch of Beef Strogenoff and froze them for meals when I'm home late or lunches. I'm planning another cook up this weekend too - now that I have a big freezer it's time to fill it!
Step 4
BE PREPARED:
This step is about preparing to fail - so that when you do you can get right back up again. I think that my resilience has been so seriously tested over the last couple of weeks that when I get a roll on again I'll bounce back quicker next time - I hope.. but my fail safes are blogging, the fb forums, Kate and Debbie. I'm also going to plan to go back and revisit my letter to myself whenever I'm feeling some doubt. I can do it. I just have to keep telling myself till I believe it.
Step 5
WORK.HARD:
It's time. It's really time. Noone else can put in the hard yards for me. Kate has set me a challenge. On the 30th of August we have a family reunion in Brisbane for my Dad's family. Kate wants me to drive with her to the Sunny Coast for the Marathon on the Sunday. She is convinced I could do a half (21odd kms) I think she's insane. I'm terrified of the thought, and maybe that's the key. Maybe I need to set some insanely crazy goal and just go for it. I'm not really sure. I do know that right now I take 45mins to run 5kms so there is n way in hell I could do 21kms in 3 hours (the time limit). I wouldn't care about coming in last, I think just finishing in the 3 hours would be an insane achievement for me but I don't think it's possible right now. I'm going to figure out a training schedule I can stick to and work it out closer to the time and after speaking with Marko about which one to sign up for. At the very least I will probably sign up for the 5km and 10km runs if they aren't on at the same time.
That just leaves....
Step 1
WANT IT MORE THAN ANYTHING ELSE:
If I could set any goal and achieve it no questions asked I would have two - get to goal weight and have a baby. Goal number two is going to need specialist assistance and would be greatly helped by goal number one. Deep down I do want it more than anything but wanting it so bad scares the hell out of me. As previously stated I have never set dates and kg targets for those dates. The only time I've done that was this round and I haven't done it. Perhaps it was a deliberate self sabotage, I haven't figured that one out yet, but our family reunion on the 30th of August gives me 23 weeks of hard work. Ideally I'd love to aim for a 1kg average loss per week but that might be expecting too much of myself. I can't seem to hold it together for 12 weeks how on earth could I sustain it for 23?? The alternative is to aim for a weight range. If I lose between 500g and 1kg on average this will put me between 80.9kgs and 92.5kgs.... When I wrote that number down my throat almost closed up with fear. I don't know what I'm afraid of, but that 80 seems so unachievable. Where is my self belief? I don't know....
I really think part of the problem is that I don't have a goal weight. Well I do, but I don't know whether it is realistic (the fourth part of a S.M.A.R.T. goal). Years ago on another program I was told for my height I should be 65-79kgs...I think 65 is RIDICULOUS but I've had 79 in my brain ever since. And that 79 was SO far off and SO unachievable I NEVER believed I could do it. I've 'known that to be true' for years. And so I recreate the cycle. I really need to either stop that merry-go-round or jump off, but in order to do that I need a goal weight. I've decided to get a DEXA scan done with my friend Debbie. I have emailed MeasureUp - Sydney based company - about getting the van up to Newcastle. I'm thinking for the Saturday before the colour run. I'm sure there are heaps of Newcastle 12wbters who'd love a scan done....hopefully.
Part of making myself really believe this is possible I will think up another catch phrase I can say. At the moment I'm repeating the bracelet phrase which worked today, but I need a few back up plans I think. I also think I need to get an outfit to aim for to wear to the Family Reunion - OMG that scares me. I don't know what size I'll even be.
Breathe and Believe.....
I'll work on that....Might have to call in reinforcements for that one. I'm putting money in my goals jar again and this is the money I'll buy the outfit with I'm going to extend my chart to cover the next 23 weeks not in rounds but to get my head in the frame of mind that I'm focusing on 23 not 12 weeks this time.
So, THE GOAL:
Is to lose between 11.5 and 23kgs in 23 weeks. Anything in that range will be considered success! This will put me at least in the low 90s for the family reunion, if not lower.
I WILL ACHIEVE THIS BY:
1. Doing everything I can to put stickers on my chart - by focusing on meeting my targets each day for calories, water, exercise, max 1 coffee, max 1 pepsi, weekly mind set videos and bed before 10pm....Each sticker is worth $1. 7 stickers per day over 7 days over 23 weeks would put $1127 in my jar, IF I get all 7 every day. If I only manage 5 on average (totally NOT what I'm aiming for) I should still get $800. That will get me one kick ass outfit...well hopefully more than that.
2. Thinking of a kick ass code name for my goal....nothing popping for me yet but I'll get to it...
3. Putting reminders of my goal on my pinboard at work and in my wallet where I look regularly, on my screen saver - might have to be in code though. I'll also wear the bangle every day.
4. WORK. HARD. (thanks Kate)
5. BELIEVE IN MYSELF - faking it till I make it!!
Showing posts with label Refocusing. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Refocusing. Show all posts
Tuesday, March 25, 2014
Saturday, March 22, 2014
Starting again....again
I don't know where to start really...
I guess I should start by saying I've had a challenging few weeks. Emotionally I've needed to be the supportive one for several friends, while being shot down by another and coping with a few of my own issues too. The result? I lost my mojo. If I could do the last two weeks again the only thing I'd change is my attitude to it all.
My friends needed me, so I was there.
Yes, I was accused of being a bad friend by someone I have spent time and effort helping. To say it hurt is a massive understatement. I have always been proud to think that I'm the sort of friend people like to have. I try not to be too high maintenance and I always give what I can, trying to take little. I know her state of mind was a major factor, but it hurt me a lot.
Then, I put on weight. Not just a little - 1.8kgs. I hoped it was just fluid due to my monthly cycle but this last weigh in day I only lost .1 of the 1.8 so I must have been living in the world of denial and thinking I'd done well with nutrition while clearly not doing so.
All of this has left me feeling out of control and like I've let myself down completely. For the first time ever, I set a goal of the weight I wanted to be by the end of the round - and it is highly unlikely that I will get to it this round. I feel like it is a self full-filling prophecy. I never set target weight goals so that as long as I finish a round lighter than I started I'm happy....the one time I try something new and I blow it completely.
So, my 90 in 90 challenge will need to be changes to 90s in 90...now I just want to get into the 90s.
I'm disappointed with having to move the goal posts but happy that this might still be achievable.
This week I finally put together the video of all the photos from 5kms Same Day Same Time - you can view it here. It's pretty cool and took hours to put together. All the people who participated enjoyed watching it so I'm glad I spent the time on it.
Despite feeling like I've blown this round (hadn't got my head to where it is right now) I nearly didn't get up this morning to exercise, but I'd promised Debbie we'd do a run/walk before she left town for the Day on the Green. We did about 6kms and chatted between runs, which was just what I needed. I'd spoken with her through the week so she knew where my head was at. Over our traditional post workout coffee, Debbie handed me a box and inside was this amazing bangle.
It says "IF YOU CAN DREAM IT.....you ca achieve it". She told me that she had purchased it to give me when I reached the milestone of being under 100kgs, but that she thought it would do more good for me to have it now. She jokingly said I should hurry up so she doesn't have to take it back - she wouldn't she was just being silly. I do know that she has my back. I do know that she wants to see my game face on again and I do know she wants me to succeed. And it worked. I have only taken it off to shower. I have logged in to 'my fitness pal' today and tracked my calories. I also had a cook up!!
I now have 6 penang chicken, 6 beef strogenoff and 2 spaghetti and meatballs meals in the freezer! Yay me. I'm starting to feel a little more in control. The rest I can manage!
And just to make myself feel a little special I did my toenails tonight! Hot pink - as if there was ever any other option!!
I guess I should start by saying I've had a challenging few weeks. Emotionally I've needed to be the supportive one for several friends, while being shot down by another and coping with a few of my own issues too. The result? I lost my mojo. If I could do the last two weeks again the only thing I'd change is my attitude to it all.
My friends needed me, so I was there.
Yes, I was accused of being a bad friend by someone I have spent time and effort helping. To say it hurt is a massive understatement. I have always been proud to think that I'm the sort of friend people like to have. I try not to be too high maintenance and I always give what I can, trying to take little. I know her state of mind was a major factor, but it hurt me a lot.
Then, I put on weight. Not just a little - 1.8kgs. I hoped it was just fluid due to my monthly cycle but this last weigh in day I only lost .1 of the 1.8 so I must have been living in the world of denial and thinking I'd done well with nutrition while clearly not doing so.
All of this has left me feeling out of control and like I've let myself down completely. For the first time ever, I set a goal of the weight I wanted to be by the end of the round - and it is highly unlikely that I will get to it this round. I feel like it is a self full-filling prophecy. I never set target weight goals so that as long as I finish a round lighter than I started I'm happy....the one time I try something new and I blow it completely.
So, my 90 in 90 challenge will need to be changes to 90s in 90...now I just want to get into the 90s.
I'm disappointed with having to move the goal posts but happy that this might still be achievable.
This week I finally put together the video of all the photos from 5kms Same Day Same Time - you can view it here. It's pretty cool and took hours to put together. All the people who participated enjoyed watching it so I'm glad I spent the time on it.
Despite feeling like I've blown this round (hadn't got my head to where it is right now) I nearly didn't get up this morning to exercise, but I'd promised Debbie we'd do a run/walk before she left town for the Day on the Green. We did about 6kms and chatted between runs, which was just what I needed. I'd spoken with her through the week so she knew where my head was at. Over our traditional post workout coffee, Debbie handed me a box and inside was this amazing bangle.
It says "IF YOU CAN DREAM IT.....you ca achieve it". She told me that she had purchased it to give me when I reached the milestone of being under 100kgs, but that she thought it would do more good for me to have it now. She jokingly said I should hurry up so she doesn't have to take it back - she wouldn't she was just being silly. I do know that she has my back. I do know that she wants to see my game face on again and I do know she wants me to succeed. And it worked. I have only taken it off to shower. I have logged in to 'my fitness pal' today and tracked my calories. I also had a cook up!!
I now have 6 penang chicken, 6 beef strogenoff and 2 spaghetti and meatballs meals in the freezer! Yay me. I'm starting to feel a little more in control. The rest I can manage!
And just to make myself feel a little special I did my toenails tonight! Hot pink - as if there was ever any other option!!
Friday, November 15, 2013
Goals and rewards - week 1
It's well past time I set my goals for this round. I very cheekily skipped that preseason task because I wasn't ready to commit and knew anything I put in there I wouldn't be serious about. And I need to be serious about these goals...or I won't work for them.
I've decided to have two sets of goals. Firstly will be the HABIT goals on my new chart (which I've started putting stickers on) and more specific ACHIEVEMENT goals. Make sense? Clear as mud? Below is my list of Habit Goals which appear on my reward chart.
Habit Goals:
1.1200cals per day!
2. 2L water per day MINIMUM.
3. 1 coffee or less per day.
4. Exercise/train
5. NO SOFTDRINK AT ALL.
6. Watch the mindset videos!
7. Go to bed before 10 - I was going to make it 9:30 but it's hard with daylight savings and my qlder friends.
With the exception of the mindset video - each goal can earn me up to 7 stickers per week - one for each day I meet that goal.
I have created a reward jar. For every sticker I'm going to put $1 in the jar. I can earn up to $43 per week which is up to $516 for the round - to spend on clothes. I'm not sure if this hold that much dosh...I'm not sure if I'll actually put the money in there or just tokens to represent the money. Will think more on it!!! Sunday is the night all the money/tokens go in!
cute huh!! I love it!
So down to the nitty gritty of this round.
My Round 4 - 2013 ACHIEVEMENT Goals are:
1. My weight loss goal is to lose 10kgs and crack into the 90's.
I want to be under 100kgs by Christmas and my 35th birthday. I know this is achievable but I think I'm scared of trying hard and not getting there - of failing. The other day this came up in my feed on facebook from Michelle Bridges 12 WBT:
"Guys, I want you to remember: don't compare your journey to someone else's. It's yours alone - so OWN IT! Xx"
I promptly shared it with the 30+ crew and my girls on our Wonder Women page. I really REALLY struggle with this and it drives me NUTS. I look at some of the amazing women I know of andstalk follow on facebook and wonder why I couldn't be as hardcore as them and be at my goal weight now. How could I let the emotions of the past few months cause me to gain during a round of this amazing program and really waste my money. The truth of the matter is I am me. I have serious food problems and what I know to be true about myself has always been "I'm the fat/big girl of the group" - that's always been my role. I recently re-read my Lightbulb Moment post and I know this is something I need to work on daily - hence the mindset video goal in the habits goals. I know food is my go-to crutch. So I need to put some plans in place to help deal with those crappy days when they happen - my bright pink sticker chart is a start - it makes me smile!!! Which leads me to goal number 2:
2. Do it like it's my first!
This round I'm aiming to compare as little as possible - technically this isn't an achievement but it will be for me. I've compared myself to others all my life. I'm trying to see everything as if its week 1 of my first round - so finally doing my fitness test, I didn't groan and cry over the fact that 6 months ago I could cream my current 1km trial time...it doesn't matter I'm here now and I'm Doing it like it's my first!
3. Beat my personal bests!
This goal is SIMPLE! I want to beat my starting fitness test in week 4, then beat week 4 stats in week 8 and so on. There will be an associated chart and reward - undecided on the reward.
4. Hit the Fit Pit!
Jo in Denman runs a bootcamp 2 afternoons per week - Jo's Fit Pit. Monday arvo at 5pm and Thursday arvo at 5:30. I will attend as many as possible this round - 1 sticker per attendance = more money in my jar ;)
5. Run!
This is one of my very favourite P!NK songs right now. And yes it is now a goal. I am going toattempt do the Michelle Bridges Learn to Run program. I've officially changed over to that program and it's a little scary. To start with the aim is just to follow her program. The very amazing Kate found (here) said in her running interview (here) to be successful at exercise you have to do something that 'Takes your breath away". Well of all the moments in the gym that took my breath away it was when I cracked 5, 10,15, 20 and 25 mins of being able to run on the treadmill but I'm going to start again outside.
6. Operation Bridesmaid!
I'm going to be a bridesmaid for my dear friend Meagan on the 4th of January. When I tried on and ordered my dress I was at my lowest - when I first cracked into the 90s at 98.9kgs. I need to get back that low at least for the wedding! Totally doable!!!
7. Choose your own adventure - fun run!
At some point during my 3 weeks at Stanthorpe (mum and dad's farm) I will run from the house to the big dam up the back. NO idea how far that is...but my goal is to do it!
8. Operation Little White Dress!
Wear my white dress with the black embroidered flowers out for our Wedding Anniversary Dinner in Stanthorpe 30-12-13.
9.Run 5kms by 1st of February 2014!
So I want to be able to run 5kms without stopping. Goal 4 will hopefully lead to goal 5 if I'm committed and consistent!
10. Register for a fun run.
I want to do the Colour Run in Newcastle in 2014 and the Neon Run in Sydney in 2014 but the dates haven't been released yet. So I'll settle for registering for the events.
11. The Amazing Race - 12WBT style!
My friends in Hervey Bay did this earlier in the year and I'm going to set up my course and one for the Brissie mates who did the Biggest Loser style weighted-backpack-carry-up-a-mountain-challenge with me last round. Not sure how it will look or what the challenges will be or when we'll do it...but it's ON!!!
12. Operation Blue dress!
Debbie wore my GORGEOUS blue dress to finale and having seen it on her - my major goal is to get into it myself! This round or the next but it a BIG goal!!!
So, there you have it! 12 goals for 12 weeks. Round 4 2013 Achievement and Habit goals...I see another reward chart in my future!!
1. My weight loss goal is to lose 10kgs and crack into the 90's.
I want to be under 100kgs by Christmas and my 35th birthday. I know this is achievable but I think I'm scared of trying hard and not getting there - of failing. The other day this came up in my feed on facebook from Michelle Bridges 12 WBT:
"Guys, I want you to remember: don't compare your journey to someone else's. It's yours alone - so OWN IT! Xx"
I promptly shared it with the 30+ crew and my girls on our Wonder Women page. I really REALLY struggle with this and it drives me NUTS. I look at some of the amazing women I know of and
2. Do it like it's my first!
This round I'm aiming to compare as little as possible - technically this isn't an achievement but it will be for me. I've compared myself to others all my life. I'm trying to see everything as if its week 1 of my first round - so finally doing my fitness test, I didn't groan and cry over the fact that 6 months ago I could cream my current 1km trial time...it doesn't matter I'm here now and I'm Doing it like it's my first!
3. Beat my personal bests!
This goal is SIMPLE! I want to beat my starting fitness test in week 4, then beat week 4 stats in week 8 and so on. There will be an associated chart and reward - undecided on the reward.
4. Hit the Fit Pit!
Jo in Denman runs a bootcamp 2 afternoons per week - Jo's Fit Pit. Monday arvo at 5pm and Thursday arvo at 5:30. I will attend as many as possible this round - 1 sticker per attendance = more money in my jar ;)
5. Run!
This is one of my very favourite P!NK songs right now. And yes it is now a goal. I am going to
6. Operation Bridesmaid!
I'm going to be a bridesmaid for my dear friend Meagan on the 4th of January. When I tried on and ordered my dress I was at my lowest - when I first cracked into the 90s at 98.9kgs. I need to get back that low at least for the wedding! Totally doable!!!
7. Choose your own adventure - fun run!
At some point during my 3 weeks at Stanthorpe (mum and dad's farm) I will run from the house to the big dam up the back. NO idea how far that is...but my goal is to do it!
8. Operation Little White Dress!
Wear my white dress with the black embroidered flowers out for our Wedding Anniversary Dinner in Stanthorpe 30-12-13.
9.Run 5kms by 1st of February 2014!
So I want to be able to run 5kms without stopping. Goal 4 will hopefully lead to goal 5 if I'm committed and consistent!
10. Register for a fun run.
I want to do the Colour Run in Newcastle in 2014 and the Neon Run in Sydney in 2014 but the dates haven't been released yet. So I'll settle for registering for the events.
11. The Amazing Race - 12WBT style!
My friends in Hervey Bay did this earlier in the year and I'm going to set up my course and one for the Brissie mates who did the Biggest Loser style weighted-backpack-carry-up-a-mountain-challenge with me last round. Not sure how it will look or what the challenges will be or when we'll do it...but it's ON!!!
12. Operation Blue dress!
Debbie wore my GORGEOUS blue dress to finale and having seen it on her - my major goal is to get into it myself! This round or the next but it a BIG goal!!!
So, there you have it! 12 goals for 12 weeks. Round 4 2013 Achievement and Habit goals...I see another reward chart in my future!!
Wednesday, November 13, 2013
Habits....
Habits are funny things. We don't even really notice doing them, I guess that's how we know it is a habit. Like throwing the chocolate bar onto the cash register at Woolies. I do it, then consciously ask myself 'Do I really want that? Or do I want to achieve my goals more?' then I put it back. Some habits are easier to break than others. Obviously, food habits are the bane of my existence and the ones I really struggle to change. Funny that...I've been doing it one way for 31 years and 3 years on I expect to have made lasting changes - HA!!! That's why this is a LIFETIME change for me...and I may have to consciously focus on it every day for the rest of my life, but you know what...it's totally worth it.
On the topic of habits and them having crept back in while going through my recent turmoil (see previous posts) yesterday while checking facebook I saw the following status update on the Michelle Bridges 12 Week Body Transformation page:
I sat there in the work car (as you do) and thought to myself 'If Mish was really in my house she would kick my butt'. You know that look she gets on her face on 'The Biggest Loser' when someone is kidding themselves and she is disappointed or wants more out of them...that's the face I can see in my mind! The more I thought about it the more I realised I've been fooling myself. It's the little things. Telling myself 'its ok, I'll walk this afternoon so I can sleep for another hour' but then I don't walk. Well it is time to stop and make the changes.
Here's the list!! These are the changes I'm making from right now!!
1. No more diet softdrink (I'm saying goodbye to my last one as I type).
2. Reduce coffee consumption to 1 and only 1 per day!
3. Stick to the 1200 calories - if not the food plan...adapt where necessary but stick to the 1200!
4. Blog my thoughts and feelings instead of eating them. Even if I've covered it before!
5. Exercise - simple! Go to Jo's Fit Pit with Debbie on Mondays and Thursdays plus other workouts.
6. Plan ahead and do some cookups (did my first one this arvo...broccoli soup in the freezer and four serves of the eggplant cous cous salad I love in the fridge).
7. Increase water consumption.
8. Watch the mindset videos!!
9. Put the non 12WBT foods into containers so Marko can still eat them but I can't see and want them.
10. Get a visual chart up showing my goals.
I'm sure I'll think of more but this is a damn good start. Now I just have to stick to it and that cranky face of Mish's that I'm seeing in my head will turn into a proud happy smile!! So now I'm off to make my reward chart!! I'm envisioning another list of rewards to help get me through!!
So, an hour or so later, here's my reward chart.
It will go like this, every day I meet that goal I get a sticker (if I can find small ones) or a tick. At the end of the week I'll put $1 for every sticker or tick into my clothes fund jar. At the end of the round I'll go spend it!!! Making up a cool jar is tomorrow nights job!
On the topic of habits and them having crept back in while going through my recent turmoil (see previous posts) yesterday while checking facebook I saw the following status update on the Michelle Bridges 12 Week Body Transformation page:
'If
I came and lived with you for a week, what would be different about your
habits? NOW GO MAKE THAT CHANGE!!! Xx'
Well, talk about a turning point. I stopped me in my tracks...well I was sitting at the time...but it metaphorically stopped me in my tracks. I sat there in the work car (as you do) and thought to myself 'If Mish was really in my house she would kick my butt'. You know that look she gets on her face on 'The Biggest Loser' when someone is kidding themselves and she is disappointed or wants more out of them...that's the face I can see in my mind! The more I thought about it the more I realised I've been fooling myself. It's the little things. Telling myself 'its ok, I'll walk this afternoon so I can sleep for another hour' but then I don't walk. Well it is time to stop and make the changes.
Here's the list!! These are the changes I'm making from right now!!
1. No more diet softdrink (I'm saying goodbye to my last one as I type).
2. Reduce coffee consumption to 1 and only 1 per day!
3. Stick to the 1200 calories - if not the food plan...adapt where necessary but stick to the 1200!
4. Blog my thoughts and feelings instead of eating them. Even if I've covered it before!
5. Exercise - simple! Go to Jo's Fit Pit with Debbie on Mondays and Thursdays plus other workouts.
6. Plan ahead and do some cookups (did my first one this arvo...broccoli soup in the freezer and four serves of the eggplant cous cous salad I love in the fridge).
7. Increase water consumption.
8. Watch the mindset videos!!
9. Put the non 12WBT foods into containers so Marko can still eat them but I can't see and want them.
10. Get a visual chart up showing my goals.
I'm sure I'll think of more but this is a damn good start. Now I just have to stick to it and that cranky face of Mish's that I'm seeing in my head will turn into a proud happy smile!! So now I'm off to make my reward chart!! I'm envisioning another list of rewards to help get me through!!
So, an hour or so later, here's my reward chart.
It will go like this, every day I meet that goal I get a sticker (if I can find small ones) or a tick. At the end of the week I'll put $1 for every sticker or tick into my clothes fund jar. At the end of the round I'll go spend it!!! Making up a cool jar is tomorrow nights job!
Tuesday, November 12, 2013
Round 4 2013 - My 7th Round
I have been feeling like a fraud.
I went to Hervey Bay to meet Mish all the while feeling like I didn't deserve to be there. I put on weight last round. I know why and I totally own it. I know if I hadn't been signed up things would be worse right now but I have been feeling like I've let myself down.
Having a miscarriage was devastating. I felt like my heart had been ripped out and stomped on. But no one else could see the difference in me. My darling husband knew and some close friends but outwardly I didn't look any different and there was no one to bury, no grave to visit yet I felt that there should have been.
I've always used food to cope with feelings and I'm proud (sort of) to say that I've only put on 3kgs. And it's time to refocus, see the accomplishments of the whole journey and start round 4 as if it were my first round.
While working through the preseason tasks I've mechanically done a 6 times before I decided it was time to announce my commitment on my main Facebook page - I was terrified. I confided in my friend and Round 3 12WBT Hero Kate Beck, who suggested doing a video. So I did, and I posted it to my facebook page!
I was overwhelmed and emotional reading all the amazing comments from my friends and family.
I went to Hervey Bay to meet Mish all the while feeling like I didn't deserve to be there. I put on weight last round. I know why and I totally own it. I know if I hadn't been signed up things would be worse right now but I have been feeling like I've let myself down.
Having a miscarriage was devastating. I felt like my heart had been ripped out and stomped on. But no one else could see the difference in me. My darling husband knew and some close friends but outwardly I didn't look any different and there was no one to bury, no grave to visit yet I felt that there should have been.
I've always used food to cope with feelings and I'm proud (sort of) to say that I've only put on 3kgs. And it's time to refocus, see the accomplishments of the whole journey and start round 4 as if it were my first round.
While working through the preseason tasks I've mechanically done a 6 times before I decided it was time to announce my commitment on my main Facebook page - I was terrified. I confided in my friend and Round 3 12WBT Hero Kate Beck, who suggested doing a video. So I did, and I posted it to my facebook page!
I was overwhelmed and emotional reading all the amazing comments from my friends and family.
'OMG Em.....I am sitting here with tears running down my face. I am so proud of how far you have come. I have always lived a fairly active lifestyle and I couldn't even last one round of the 12 WBT. Thank you so much for sharing that video with us. You are an inspiration to us all....xx. Oh and by the way I never realised how much you looked like your mum until I watched that video.' - Tania
'It was amazing beautiful Job hunny very inspiring..what a difference dedication makes.' - Harriet
'Loved it. thanks for sharing' - Gill
'Go for it Em! YOU can do ANYTHING and EVERYTHING.' - Amanda
'Yep. Cried too. Congratulations, Em. Such determination and bravery. You are a champion. One thing though... be kind to your old self. After all, it was she who was brave enough to take the first steps of this journey!! xxxx' - Caroline
'Emily, I have just finished watching your video. I have tears in my eyes. You're an inspiration. Thank you.' - Lisa
'Amazing, Emmy
'You are amazing! I can't view it either. ..
Talk soon xx
Proud! !' - Anita
Talk soon xx
Proud! !' - Anita
'Very inspiring Emily, can't wait to see the rest of the story xx' - Sarah
'Love you Em xxx' - Hayley
'Go you good thing! You should be so proud of yourself. Well done xoxo' - Rosie
'so proud !!!' - Sonia R.
'You are amazing! Go girl
'Em you are amazing, truly inspirational....you look absolutely stunning, I've got tears of joy for you!' - Karen B.
'Awesome Emily. That was amazing. Well done. Well done. Well done. '- Debra
'I am soooo proud of u my gorgeous friend !!! Xx' - Brooke
'Omg Emily Turkalj I have shed some happy tears watching that! What an amazing achievement
'You have always been beautiful, Em. You are awesome and inspirational. xx' - Jane
'Em. Watched it through. You have always been beautiful. I remember you reading maccas signs at 3 or 4 years old (or was it 2. Smart kid) What an amazing journey! Stay exited. Love life (the journey). You are a credit to you! xo' - David
'I have tears! Such determination. You're amazing em.' - Elle
'Well done Em! A beautiful girl inside and out!!! I love the photos of you with Ele too x' - Sonia A.
'It's like watching a dream only I know it's real!!! you really are amazing Emily
'Em you have worked magic - you have done so well and continue to do so. I am so proud of you and just love the video. Congratulations on all of your hard work xoxo' - Kate
'Only if you stand by me. I need to also lose 10 kilos. Let's do it together..' - Tanya
'Wow Em that video is amazing! You have come so far! Your strength an determination are always such an inspiration to me! Thank you for being you xoxo' - Natalie
This little project - putting together a video of my journey - helped me see that despite the gain I've really lost so much and gained an amazing life...I mean I had an awesome life with my darling husband..but now I'm more active and healthier.
So the upshot of all this is that I'm recommitting, to a new round with a new focus!!! Lets see what the next 12 weeks bring!!
Friday, October 4, 2013
Personal Challenge for Mini Milestone week 8
One of my very favourite 12WBT bloggers is Kate Beck - I've mentioned her before. She is seriously inspiring and I stole my operation brown skirt idea from her. To check out her fabulous blog go here.
So I was cruising her blog when I came across her goals for this round and saw that she was planning a Biggest Loser style challenge. Her aim was to do a walk she has done several times before carrying the weight she has lost. I wanted in!! I sent Kate a message and told her I wanted to join her if it was ok and wouldn't it be cool to do it 'together' her in her home town in Queensland and me here in Denman, NSW. To my excitement she liked the idea.
As you can read on Kate's blog and here on my blog and on the link to my other blog, this round didn't really go as planned. I signed up after the miscarraige stole our little baby and thought I could focus on this to help ease the pain. Well take it from me, it doesn't work like that. I've been a mess on and off ever since. My dear friend tells me it never goes away, you just learn to live with it. You still get sad when that date comes around and the month you should have held that baby in your arms arrives...but day to day gets easier. And I guess it has gradually, but my heart has broken in a way I never expected I'd have to experience. My family are breeders!! My family is huge and the all have babies without troubles...if any of them have lost a baby they don't talk about it...ok so this post wasn't supposed to be about our miscarraige but about the amazing challenge we completed.
Kate contacted me on Wednesday to see if I was still keen for the challenge and I said "Hell Yeah"..and so the crazy planning began. We discussed whether to carry the actual amount we had lost, safety issues and the timing of it all, given that we were in two different places over 700kms apart!
I decided to use dirt with rocks in it that I could dig up here at home and packed it in 5kg lots into the backpack. I added water to a shoulder bag and all up when I stepped on my scales I weighed 131.6kgs...not bad I originally was 139.9kgs when I started my weightloss but was 132 when I started 12WBT so it was perfect!
I had no idea how hard the treck would actually be and how emotional it would be for me. I decided to walk up to the lookout over Denman where the TV tower is. It isn't an incredibly long walk but it is very steep. I figured I'd do it in an hour - it took me a lot longer than that!!
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| Backpack on and ready to get started!! |
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| The direction I'm headed...up! |
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| Weights - front and back - carrying a total of 30kgs - close to my starting weight. |
Getting started was harder than I thought it would be. The straps of the backpack seemed to dig into my shoulders and I just couldn't get over that I used to be this heavy all the time, with no escape. I stood around for ages just feeling the weight in the backpack (waiting for Kate and her buds Bron, Tracey and Courtney to get sorted - they were taping weights to their body!! - read about it here). Lots of things went through my mind just standing their feeling the weight, feeling my back start to ache, the pressure on my knees and ankles. The main thought was just pure astonishment in realising how heavy 30kgs really was and feeling what I used to live with every day.
Eventually we got started, and it was HARD. I literally just had to concentrate on putting one foot in front of the other. I put my iphone on and put P!NK on shuffle. If anyone could get me up that hill it was P!NK with help from Kate and Bron who were constantly sending photos and messages...but I'm skipping ahead....
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| Starting to climb |
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| and up.. |
About here I started to regret my choice of hill...I mean it is a crazy steep ass walk...but I kept going, spurred on by Bron's photos and Kate's messages. I had to stop a lot for mini breaks because I got so out of breath and for water breaks.
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| Heart rate getting up pretty high! |
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| Cool pic of me loaded up! |
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| coming up to half-way |
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| The view half-way up!! |
Kate rang me at this point and I nearly cried on the phone while the girls cheered me on! It was such a beautiful thing to be a part of a group of women challenging themselves physically and mentally to let go of the things that have been holding us back.
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| Dropping off 10kgs! |
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| Tipping it out and letting it go FOREVER! |
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| Excited to be on the move again! |
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| Up... |
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| and up some more. |
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| Burn baby burn! |
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| Up, up, up! |
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| Water break! |
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| Onwards and Upwards! |
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| Can finally see the TV tower - too bright to see in photo - it's to the right. |
Seeing that tower finally in the distance was incredible. The photo didn't turn out well but it was there. Of course the trail isn't straight so it was still a little while before I finally came into view of the tower!!
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| And nearly there now!!! |
I still can't really believe that I walked all that way with all that weight on my back. I have tears in my eyes just thinking about it again. That's how incredibly important this experience was for me. There was so many symbolic moments...
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| Wooohooo!!! |
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| The last stretch! |
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| And I made it! |
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| OMG I DID IT!!! |
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| Ready to throw off the backpack! |
I was so ovewhelmed at this point. Here I was at the top of this amazing lookout ready to throw the backpack on the ground. I took a video of throwing it off which I'm having trouble loading...but it just says it all!! The thrill of getting to the top carry the weight, the incredible excitement at throwing it off and how light I felt afterwards, then symbolically tipping it all out onto the ground...just incredible.
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| Ready to say goodbye to another 15kgs. |
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| Goodbye! |
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| Happy to tip it out! |
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| Goodbye! |
The walk back down the hill was amazing. I was so full of joy I thought I might burst. It must seem like a silly thing but the effect on me was profound. The way in which it has empowered us all has been amazing. The group facebook chat in which we supported each other through the walk has been alive with chatter all afternoon after the walk and all day today - none of us really want it to be over and we are starting to think about our next challenge.
I'm hoping that the lasting effect of the walk is that I feel more in control. Of course I'm in control - I decide what to put in my mouth and how much exercise to do...but life has felt so out of control that I haven't done a good job of it for a while. Today I took some steps to ensure a good week this week, baking some snacks and freezing them. I have promised myself to only think positively about my accomplishments so far and not to focus on the 5kgs that has come back in recent months...I'll get rid of it again along with some more.
Talking with Kate, Courtney, Bron and Tracey was amazing - I've found a really special bunch of new friends who really get me. So thanks to the support crew...you guys are awesome and I wouldn't have done it without you!! Looking forward to the next challenge!!!
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