I guess I should start by saying I've had a challenging few weeks. Emotionally I've needed to be the supportive one for several friends, while being shot down by another and coping with a few of my own issues too. The result? I lost my mojo. If I could do the last two weeks again the only thing I'd change is my attitude to it all.
My friends needed me, so I was there.
Yes, I was accused of being a bad friend by someone I have spent time and effort helping. To say it hurt is a massive understatement. I have always been proud to think that I'm the sort of friend people like to have. I try not to be too high maintenance and I always give what I can, trying to take little. I know her state of mind was a major factor, but it hurt me a lot.
Then, I put on weight. Not just a little - 1.8kgs. I hoped it was just fluid due to my monthly cycle but this last weigh in day I only lost .1 of the 1.8 so I must have been living in the world of denial and thinking I'd done well with nutrition while clearly not doing so.
All of this has left me feeling out of control and like I've let myself down completely. For the first time ever, I set a goal of the weight I wanted to be by the end of the round - and it is highly unlikely that I will get to it this round. I feel like it is a self full-filling prophecy. I never set target weight goals so that as long as I finish a round lighter than I started I'm happy....the one time I try something new and I blow it completely.
So, my 90 in 90 challenge will need to be changes to 90s in 90...now I just want to get into the 90s.
I'm disappointed with having to move the goal posts but happy that this might still be achievable.
This week I finally put together the video of all the photos from 5kms Same Day Same Time - you can view it here. It's pretty cool and took hours to put together. All the people who participated enjoyed watching it so I'm glad I spent the time on it.
Despite feeling like I've blown this round (hadn't got my head to where it is right now) I nearly didn't get up this morning to exercise, but I'd promised Debbie we'd do a run/walk before she left town for the Day on the Green. We did about 6kms and chatted between runs, which was just what I needed. I'd spoken with her through the week so she knew where my head was at. Over our traditional post workout coffee, Debbie handed me a box and inside was this amazing bangle.
It says "IF YOU CAN DREAM IT.....you ca achieve it". She told me that she had purchased it to give me when I reached the milestone of being under 100kgs, but that she thought it would do more good for me to have it now. She jokingly said I should hurry up so she doesn't have to take it back - she wouldn't she was just being silly. I do know that she has my back. I do know that she wants to see my game face on again and I do know she wants me to succeed. And it worked. I have only taken it off to shower. I have logged in to 'my fitness pal' today and tracked my calories. I also had a cook up!!
I now have 6 penang chicken, 6 beef strogenoff and 2 spaghetti and meatballs meals in the freezer! Yay me. I'm starting to feel a little more in control. The rest I can manage!
And just to make myself feel a little special I did my toenails tonight! Hot pink - as if there was ever any other option!!
Dearest Em,
ReplyDeleteFirstly this wasnt my bed time story last night sorry as I fell asleep lol. But I just read this now and I have a few things to say :)
Firstly so glad you blogged...I'm using our advice and about to do the same myself.
You are AN AMAZING friend and please never let anyone in the entire world let you feel like anything less. We havent known each other for too long but the friendship and support you even show me is phenomenal. eg. the flowers last weekend was possibly the nicest thing anyone has ever done for me....and just being there for me via text or whatever, that means just as much - you are such a beautiful person.
With the weight, we dont know whats going on with our bodies, if you're eating well i doubt the 1.8 or 1.7 is real weight...keep going well and it will go, plus more. Remember what I said about my 2 weeks leading up to Operation Birthday :)
90's in 90 is just as cool as 90 in 90. I've been thinking about this a lot (for myself) lately and I really think its ok. Its Week 8 tomorrow but you know what, us going hard for 4 weeks and getting part way to our initial Round 1 goal is so much better than letting the whole round go. I feel bad about the first 8 weeks too but we can still turn this around....its never too late. Go back to my Step 2 of 5 tips on my latest blog (thank you for your comment too) :) and maybe try and tackle planning that one today? (By making a date, not necessarily starting today).
Also Deb is just beautiful - I've seen this pic already but I still teared up reading this! :)
You've got this xoxooo