Operation 90 in 90 (because 90 in 84 just doesn't have the same ring to it)

This is my 8th consecutive round of 12WBT and I have never focused on a specific amount of weight as my goal weight loss in a round. I think this is because I figured if I didn't set a goal, I couldn't fail. And my results have reflected this. I've had some good rounds, some mediocre rounds and one where I finished heavier than I started....I like to forget that round ever existed but I'm being honest and owning it....

This round will be different.

Because this round I have set a target or a an end of round goal.

My overall goal this round is to get to 90kgs by the end of week 12. Even as I think this number I feel myself tensing up inside - disbelieving that I can do it and laughing at myself. Mostly it's a mental thing for me. I have SO many issues around that three digit number changing to a two digit one. It sounds insane but I honestly do. Issues like that revolve around that picture of what I know to be true about myself. I posted about this a while back and was discussing it with my friend Kate last night. There is so much fear and doubt that when I challenge what I know to be true about myself that I won't like who I become, that my best friends won't like who I am, that I won't fit in anymore and that my life will change too much and I'll lose the wonderful stuff not just the weight and all the weight represents.

I know it sounds CRAZY. But that's what irrational fears are about. Others listen on in amazement wondering how the heck this seemingly normal and functional person became so neurotic about the difference between 2 and 3 digits on the scales.

I guess for me the first step was sitting in that work session and realising that I'm more than the number on the scale and that I can't let that number define 'what I know to be true' about myself. Easier said than done. Particularly when that number HAS defined 'what I know to be true' about myself for as long as I can remember. It's a new way of thinking and it takes practice.

So I'm taking a leap of faith. I'm aiming to be 90kgs by the end of Round 1 2014 and I am planning on doing exactly that.

As per my letter to myself I have a strategy and a weekly goal to aim for each week. I was thinking more about it today and about my buddy Kate and her awesome catchy goal names and I thought '90 in 90' sounded pretty cool. Unfortunately 12 weeks of 7 days only equals 84 but as I said '90 in 90' sounds better. So realistically I've bought myself 6 additional unofficial days (which I may need cause I didn't get off to the best start).

There are a few key things I need to do to make this happen.

I need to:

• Be better prepared
• JFDI with exercise
• Use My Fitness Pal
• Focus on my goal

Today when I wanted to eat on my way home I just focused on the number. "90 in 90" I said to myself and I found I didn't want to eat after all. When I got home I said no to the rice crackers that Hubby had out (and the cheese and dip) and it wasn't as hard as I thought it would be. I said "no" to the pepsi max he offered me and chose water instead.

So "90 in 90" will be my new mantra.

In deciding to be better prepared, tonight while I cooked dinner I also cooked up a batch of my good old favourite Cupcake Quiches!! I usually do a double batch, bag them in pairs then freeze them for work lunches - however tonight I didn't have enough eggs so I just did a single batch.

 

Mmm yummy!! Can't wait to get into these for lunch tomorrow!!

 

JFDI with exercise - the alarm clock is set and come rain or shine I WILL be up at 4:15am and I WILL do my 12 minute running test and exercise plan. I will even post photos to prove it!!

 

I feel good knowing I have a plan and a goal to aim for. Now I just have to do it!!

Weekly Challenge - Week 1 - Letter to yourself...

Dear Emily,
 
Well done on signing up to 12WBT for your 8th consecutive round. I know that you have struggled not to feel like a failure that you haven't achieved your goal weight and that after 8 rounds you still feel like you have so far to go. You need to remember how far you have come. Do you remember that family holiday at the beach, right before you first found out about 12WBT? Do you remember how hard it was climbing the stairs where you stayed and how after two days there you could barely walk from the pain in your muscles? How uncomfortable you felt...all the time? Well since that time you have lost 30kgs and 47cms. You have learned to run. You have found a grit and determination that you never dreamed was lurking there inside you.

As your dear friend Debbie would say, "You LIVE your life instead of watching from the sidelines".
 
You need to watch your own video again and be proud of who you are and what you have achieved so far.

Go! Watch it now! HERE!

I know that you are apprehensive about your 8th round because you want to set an achievable but challenging goal. You have admitted to me and one or two others, that your dream result for this round would be to finish at 90kgs. GREAT! Lets make it happen! You have set goals before and you have achieved them. You can do it again. I know this is different because you have never placed a weight loss goal on paper because the pressure worries you - but in another dear friend's words - "Babe, you've got this".

So let's nut this out, let's make some plans. It's mid week 2 (and yes this is a week 1 task - I can hear you already saying how you wasted week 1 - GET OVER IT!) so lets work on the remaining 10 weeks. You gained this week and you owned it. Good for you. So you are starting from today at 105.1kgs. You want to be 90kgs so the goal is to lose 15.1kgs in 10 weeks. That's an average weekly loss of 1.51kgs. Very achievable. Again, I can hear you freaking out saying you never lose that much in a week but you have done it. Look back at your stats and think about those weeks and why you were so successful. What did you do well then? You planned your food, you planned your training and you STUCK to your plans.
 
So what do you have to do? Stick to your plan for the next 10 weeks. I'm proud of you for getting stuck into it last week and setting up a new goal chart and adapting the one for your stats from last round. This is a wonderful start. Now you need to get in and get your menu for week 3 sorted.
 
You need to NOT TURN OFF YOUR ALARM TOMORROW MORNING. I know you haven't been coping well lately. I know that the painful loss you suffered back in August haunts you every month and sends you into an emotional spiral but you need to take control of it. Channel the emotion into your exercise and use this time while you are not growing a baby to get closer to your goal weight and healthier so that next time you fall pregnant it will be a happier story. No-one knows why these things happen but it can't hurt to get as physically fit and healthy as possible to give yourself the best start.
 
You need to stop comparing yourself to others. It is ok to be the slow and steady achiever. In fact you need to celebrate your steady commitment and continued focus. Sure you've hit some speed bumps where your weight has fluctuated a little, but each time you pick yourself up, dust yourself off and you start again and that is true commitment and focus. WELL DONE! I'm so proud. You came a long way in this during round 4. You committed to doing the round as if it were your first, and I challenge you to embrace the next 10 weeks in that way. Find that spark inside you that I know is there. I know you can do this and I believe in you wholeheartedly.
 
Your other goal for this round is to be able to run 10kms. You want to register for the Gold Coast 10km fun run. I know you are scared and haven't taken any steps towards that yet. Think back to Christmas when you first ran 5kms when only two weeks before you could only run 3. You can totally do this. You know most of it is a mind game, persisting long enough to run that far. Again lets break it down. You can already run 5km so to get to 10 you need to increase by 5km in 10 weeks. That's an average increase of 500m each week. Totally doable! Focus on the small goals...each step which will take you to the end goal.
 
These are the goals that I know you are thinking you want but don't really think you could possibly achieve them.  You want to be 90kgs but deep down you don't believe you can do it. You want to be able to run a fun run and eventually a marathon but you don't believe you can do it. Well I do. I believe and for now I will carry and support your belief.
 
Let's break it down - here's what I am going to help you achieve over the next 10 weeks.

Week	Weight goal	Running goal
3	103.5kg	5.5km
4	101.9 kg	6 km
5	100.3 kg	6.5 km
6	98.7 kg	7 km
7	97.1 kg	7.5 km
8	95.5 kg	8 km
9	93.9 kg	8.5 km
10	92.3 kg	9 km
11	90.7 kg	9.5 km
12	90 kg	10 km

See, that is ACHIEVABLE. I've set you a weight goal for each week, on average if you are getting to those mini goals by week 12 you will be there. Don't be afraid to ask for help, I'll be checking in to make sure you are ok and are finding positive ways of coping with your emotions and those old habits that have crept back. It's time for some tough love. Think about what you want. Make some decisions about what you are willing to compromise on in your life. How badly do you want it. I want it for you, but you have to want it for yourself. You know this. And you know you are capable.

Lean on that spunky husband of yours. Ask him to support you. You know he would climb mountains for you...literally...so just speak up. IT'S TIME! 

So, tomorrow morning when the alarm goes off, I'll be right there with you. We'll do it together. I'll be right there cheering you on every day, encouraging you and reminding you that you are a strong, capable and beautiful woman. You are a wonderful friend and as a quiet achiever you are showing others that everyone runs their own race - and that is not just ok - its the way it should be. Every person is different. Their challenges are different.

DON'T COMPARE!

BELIEVE IN YOURSELF!!

BACK YOURSELF!

DREAM BIG!



BABE, YOU'VE GOT THIS XXXXX


all my love and support,
Em.